As I sit here in the aftermath of a break-in to our home, something occurs to me. We often talk about the "dark night of the soul" and “shadow work” as if these are burdens we must bravely face alone, guarding our struggles closely. I have a different perspective: there's nothing wrong with fully feeling your emotions—whether you're okay or not.
Many believe negative emotions should be avoided, except when they're "bravely" faced in moments of introspection. I respect that approach. However, I also think the meaning of everything is simply the meaning we give it. Sometimes, a pile of dog shit on the sidewalk is just that, and sometimes it becomes a symbol of the victimization of life’s deeper trials. But, maybe it's even simpler. What if all of these experiences are just here to help us understand the full range of what it means to be human—happiness, sadness, fear, rage, love?
What if life is just about feeling these things?
The Buddha taught that enlightenment comes from sitting with each moment as it is, without trying to change it. I agree, though I also think it’s not always that easy. Still, I don’t believe we’re here to be punished or to fight for our souls. Life is a playground, and we set the rules. So many beliefs and patterns are simply passed down, do we truly know them to be true? Or are we simply following societal conditioning that keeps us complacent, quiet, and hiding in the dark?
A person in fear is easier to control—if they let that fear rule them. I’ve always seen fear as something to move toward. Everything I have ever wanted is on the other side of my fear. Fear usually represents the unknown. It’s rarely about the exact moment you’re in, even if you’re facing something threatening. Until the threat materializes, fear is just a reflection of what you don’t know. Fear can seem like a warning, but it doesn’t validate your experience or tell you the truth about other people or situations.
When my home was broken into, both my partner and I were out of town. The intruders did the minimum damage needed to get what they wanted. Even though they went through everything, they didn’t break anything out of malice. Many of the fears that are common about a situation like this did not manifest. Some people still believe fear warns us of danger, and while that may have been true for survival in ancient times, today fear and instinct are different. Instinct might suggest, "This isn’t a safe spot," while fear spirals with the "What if?" of the situation.
Since we’re no longer fighting for survival every day, we’ve conflated fear with not being safe. Fear is not the same as instinct, it’s simply a response to the unknown. We’ve allowed it to control us, to lower our vibration, and dictate our spiritual lives. Fear is merely a reflection of where our thoughts are.
Now, as I sit here feeling unsettled after this violation of my home, I realize I don’t have to escape these uncomfortable feelings of sadness, anger, or fear to keep my energy high. The truth is, I am okay. Fear is just a reminder of what I don’t know, anger is a response to having my boundaries crossed, and sadness arises when we cling to the unrealistic societal ideas of what safety means..
As I reflect, I know that I am safe. My energy remains centered in love and compassion—for those who felt they needed to do this, and for myself in this experience. But it’s also crucial to honor all of these emotions. They’re simply guideposts, showing us where our thoughts are, and it’s essential to sit with them.
Feeling emotions doesn’t harm you; it frees you. It’s how we heal. In this time when many people feel anything but okay, I’m reminded that even in adversity, we are safe, we are loved, and those difficult emotions are the roadmap to understanding that.
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